The Diary Room

While I remember....

2005-07-29T12:11:00.000Z

Look darlings, I have gone, honestly! I've only just nipped back in through the blog-flap to
oversee the lugage removal and make sure they are packing everything in tissue paper.
But there's just a few things of which I need to remind you.

Don't forget to feed the dodo. She does get a little fractious if she's on short rations and starts to eat the herb garden which diagrees with her delicate constition. And frankly, a dodo with bad wind smelling of basil and rosemary is not nice.
Please make sure Alan combs his beard after meals. He'll look terrible on the photographs otherwise.
Make sure the pool is kept cucumber-free when they fill it up with fresh pimms. It clogs up the filters and it sounds like the Dodo with bad wind...
I made a whole load of chicken soup before I left. It's in the fridge but won't last long so have it for dinner tonight.
BEHAVE! (you know what I mean...)

Blimey!

2005-07-27T15:34:00.000Z

Again it's all coming a little thick and fast isn't it?

On an introspective note I think I posted some fine material, but I'm not entirely sure that's what the audience want - I seemed to be posting as if this was an extension of MY blog - posting as me - instead of attempting a different persona in here. Oh it's all confusing isn't it?
Eviction does feel a little personal too, you flog your guts out being entertaining and witty and amusing, giving the audience credit for being clever and getting sub text and the like when all of a sudden you're kicked out because they want to see your tits or something.

But, hey, that's the rock n roll life style...

Anyway, come visit me soon - don't be a stranger.

Bye, then.

2005-07-27T12:49:00.000Z

I've stripped my bed, packed my bag, found Quickos and am heading to the bottom of the garden.

I don't have much to say, really, except good luck to the rest and will the winner please send me his/her address. Have fun - I know I did.

Goodbye all

2005-07-22T10:39:00.000Z

(Better late than never...)

It was fun, if a little challenging to participate in the Big Blogger experience.

Not knowing many of the other blogmates, I posted on this blog with some trepidation: what would they think of me, the sole sex-blogger taking part?

Most likely I imagine others assumed that I would - as I do on my own blog - talk about sex, and to some extent I did in BB. But I hope that the people reading my posts here were able to see another side to me too, and perhaps be able to read my writing in a different (and less ghettoised context).

So I didn't get my tits out (sorry folks), but instead attempted some humour in an effort to not talk about my like of rampant shagging (damn, done it again).

Others did it better of course - and I wish all remaining participants the best of luck - but I enjoyed taking part; it's not the winning that counts after all.

Even if I cleared space on my mantlepiece for a BB trophy.

A little request....

2005-07-21T17:02:00.000Z

Hello darling BB & LB,
I'm a bit fagged and drained after baring my soul over there and wondered if I may have a large Sacher Torte? I promise to share it with everyone. And we're running out of bubbly too just in case you want to send the odd crate our way.
And is there any chance of some more nail polish? Either Vit's been borrowing it again to paint with or Jonny has taken it back to Norfolk with him. (Chanel no 43 for preference please.)
Now, I simply must go and have a lie down.....

Signing off now...

2005-07-20T07:01:00.000Z

I have been evicted!!!

I kiss everybody, some for longer than others, and give a quick reassuring word to Zoe. I could not have expected her to choose somebody else and save me as that would have been unfair, and it will not be the case that in 35 years time when she says ‘look I asked you to pick up some milk on the way home’ I will say ‘yes, but don’t forget you singlehandedly caused me to be evicted from the Big Blogger house’.

Proudly I walk from the door of the house past the gathered throng. Tony Hadley and Phil Tufnell are there at the back, looking relieved that their stories will not now be told. There is some jocular booing from the hundreds of fans there but it is just jocular, oh yes.

The people have spoken and I cannot argue. Although I should point out that this country’s Obsolete and Unfair first-past-the-post voting system has meant that I have been evicted even though the vast majority of people in total voted for me to stay. Somebody else should have gone. It is results like this that lead to apathy amongst young people.

So, Davina, who do I think should win?

It’s very fair that I’ve gone. I was a bit worried at the start that I wouldn’t have time to do it justice, but fortunately there were enough people around that I could lurk in the background. Then, every time I was able to get the bit between my teeth, something seemed to happen to thwart me. But I’m glad I saw it out.

Personally I thought the best thing was how it threw together the established very highly read and the newer not very highly read. It was always important, if it was to work, that this wasn’t just ‘the usual suspects’. So I wanted someone different to win.

So, of the remainder, that disqualifies Mike and Zoe, who don’t need any bigging up from me, although Zoe introduced that muppet thing and Mike’s summaries for the readers were an excellent contribution as it sort of told me what had been going on as well. I love Miss Mish’s style, which is all hers and hers alone. And NML is, well (adopts Leslie Phillips voice) “just bang on”, although it was annoying when she blocked up the holes that I had drilled in the shower, which were there only for ventilation, oh yes.

Vitriolica was my favourite from the start, as of everybody she did the most to stamp her individuality on the house, and her drawings became its ‘brand’ if you will. And finally Alan, whose dignified response followed by comment-fest was a stroke of brilliance.

Hmmm.

I think Vit has had a lot of support elsewhere, so I’m going to say to my legions of fans:

I’m backing the man. With a beard.

Thank You Alan!

2005-07-19T20:41:00.000Z

I've just sang your praises on my own blog, and in the comments on the posts relating the immunity, but wanted to give it it's own post. Alan, it was an incredibly kind gesture and I really appreciate it. We have indeed been blog pals for over 6 months and I was really touched by your post.
I do want to say that I'm gutted by The Girl and Jonny B leaving as they are darlings the pair of them. The Girl is the only woman I've ever flirted with and I'm fascinated by Jonny B who makes me laugh a lot. On top of that he talks about poo and underpants which appeals to my inner child! Massive hugs to you both and we must keep in touch on the blogs.

Little Blogger, calling me 'delicious' earns you some serious brownie points with me!

xx

Granting Immunity

2005-07-19T12:29:00.000Z

Hello Little Blogger

Ooh, this is tough. Who to decide to give immunity to. I'm quite torn between two people and the big problem here is that, having seen the voting totals shortly before you took them down, I know that whichever one I choose, the other one will probably be evicted, and that's a power I don't really want to have.

You see, I think that Vit and Zoe, both of whom definitely deserve to stay because they have entertained me the most, are going to be fine anyway and don't need immunity. Better to give it to someone who, like myself, might be in trouble next week. So I'm torn between Girl and NML.

But a decision must be made, and I'm sorry but I'm just going to have to play favourites. Because I've known her (in a interwebnet way) longest of anyone in the game, and mainly because nearly six months ago she was the first person ever ever ever to put up a link to my blog, I am going to grant immunity to....

NML

Commenting on Comments

2005-07-18T10:25:00.000Z

Hello Big Blogger

I don't want to be a whinger, but I too want to complain about this comment-whoring task that has been set for several reasons, not least of which is that I have been away for the weekend, rushed into an internet cafe on Saturday morning to write up my fancy dress task before you had set this new task, and have not looked at a computer since, and so was in total ignorance that this was going on until about ten minutes ago.

Furthermore, like many bloggers I do not make my blog known among my friends so that I do not have to censor myself. If they find it for themselves, fine, but I don't publicise it, and much as I have enjoyed this competition and finding original ways to answer the tasks, that is a freedom I am not prepared to give up.

Therefore my only course is to ask people on my own blog to leave these comments, which again is unsatisfactory because I do not get as large a readership as most of the others remaining in the competition, even if they didn't have a two day head start on me. Therefore, I may as well just say goodbye now.

If those are the rules, fine, but I still want to register my objection to this very poorly thought out task which was always going to weed out a competitor with a less well read blog and has no bearing on actual performance within this competition. Unless you would like me to nip over, invent about 500 names and leave comments under them saying what a great guy I am. Kind of defeats the object though, doesn't it?

Help me Little Blogger

2005-07-17T22:52:00.000Z

I can't believe you made me do it.

I feel... used.

Tossed about.

Dirty even.

But I'm sure you don't want to hear about my sex life.

Rather, I'm talking about the blog-whoring I have had to do for LB's mini-task: it's making me feel quite uneasy.

I hope I sleep tonight - I fear the heat or morbid introspectiveness of my conscience may just keep me awake.

If I am moody tomorrow, it's all down to Little Blogger's evil task demands and nothing at all to do with my PMT, ok?

The ratings are slipping!

2005-07-14T11:02:00.000Z

Big Blogger, HELP! This is turning into the equivalent of the really boring Big Brother 4 series from two years ago, where lots of vaguely nice people sat around doing nothing for weeks on end. I'm thinking of ratcheting up the panto-villian-ism just to provoke a reaction, but nobody seems to be taking the bait just yet.

BB, get evil on us please! Throw a curveball! Make us react! WAKE US UP!

Out of The Country

2005-07-09T23:42:00.000Z

Hello Little Blogger. I am off to Egypt in the morning. I started to write Task 8 but inspiration left. Hopefully it will come back. I will do my best to complete tasks but if you can email me and let me know what I'm supposed to do, I would be eternally greatful. {flashes boobs at LB}

xx

I need a punch-bag.

2005-07-09T19:17:00.000Z

(The other) Alan seems to be the largest in height - will you step in ?

Oh, and don't forget the box of tissues.

Cheers mate, really.

Strange Stalinistic Suspicions

2005-07-08T10:34:00.000Z

Hello

Its me Dr Rob.

First can I raise some strange stalinistic suspicions.

It seems that on the wall of honour, i.e. the photograph album, I have been erased and replaced by Clair! O how it hurts. even when I was to be partially erased by a big red cross, to find that history has been re-written by BB who has removed my warholed visage.

Secondly can I just say how much I enjoyed my time in the house. I wish it had been louder as personally I found it a little quiet. As you know I seem to have developed a personality in the house who took the position - why write a hundred words when a thousand would do! It was BIG blogger after all.

Anyway the public have spoken, but strangly only during the voting. Very very few, considering the hits the site is getting, nearly 20,000 now, left a comment, which I found a bit disconcerting. We know at least 200 people were reading the stuff because they voted, so why didn't they leave comments - get involved.

I would have loved to find out why my writing (I am not going to say 'I') was so unpopular.

Anyway 'Ce la Vie'

Good Luck to the contestants still in the house - I'm rooting for Vit!

Please can I have my picture back?

Love
Dr. Rob

wouldn't it be good?

2005-07-02T15:41:00.000Z

O Little Blogger, this is MY request for the weekend....I would like it if more people from outside the house talked to us through the magical communication machine that is the comment box?

I suspect that many people are frightened off when they see only us, your very good and handsome self, the equally sexpottish Big Blogger.. and the adorable pink... and a couple of others from time to time... wibbling on about the wibble (and what would blogging be if it weren't for the wibble?).

Let me give you a sobering example: it took me, ME, about fifteen years to work up the courage to comment in Zoe's and Mike's home blogs.

I still haven't dared to comment ever in Girl's blog, people might think I'm a perv. (!)

From what I see there are an awful lot of people "watching" our little big blogger escapade, but we don't ever hear from them.

Unless there's something I don't know about.

Actually, that could be it.

They happen sometimes. ... things I don't know about..... BUT NOT OFTEN!

So, lovely little ginge afro with man boobies blogger... how could you encourage them?

2005-07-02T12:55:00.000Z

Dear Little Blogger...

Could I please get a new twister set? The old one appears to have something unsightly and sticky all over it. (Don't tell him I said this, but I suspect it was Mike).

Thanks!

P.s. how about a disco ball and some funky lights?

A Touch of Class

2005-07-01T13:30:00.000Z

Bon Joor Mon Ami

Yeah, I reckon Mike and Mish have got the right idea here. What we need around this joint is a bit of class, a bit of sophistication.

So to start with can we get a few bottles of top notch plonk in. Real good stuff. Something like that Piat Door. The French adore that stuff apparently, so it must be good. Say what you like about Johnny Frog, he knows a good drop of plonk when he tastes it. If you can't get any of that stuff, then how about some of that there Bow Jolly Noo Vo I keep hearing about?

And let's get some really class posh grub as well. Stuff like Scampi and Chicken in the Basket like they eat in the posh restaurants. Prawn cocktails, you know the kind of stuff.

Oh, and just to pass the time could we have a pack of cards please. One of the ones with pictures of birds with their knockers out, if possible.

Just a couple of things please.....

2005-07-01T13:08:00.000Z

A new pair of marigolds, (I can't think where my last pair have got to) a couple of pounds of strawberries as I'm thinking of making a cheesecake this afternnon, and can we have some of those nice Harrods savoury biscuits?
In fact you'd bdetter send in some more stilton too. It might mask the smell of Dr Rob.....

Oh and you will let Maurice in won't you? I need my hair doing tomorrow.
And if we could have Sven for the weekend - my lumbar problem has flared up again.
Thak you so much darling.
Mish xxx

Mike's Requests

2005-07-01T12:30:00.000Z

I'm so good to you.

Here are your bits and bobs young Michael:

Only the finest wine (direct from the BB cellar), some jolly spangly choccies, one (ahem!) male physique magazine, one fancy bouquet, and some well trendy cups and saucers which are definitely NOT from Asda.

Keep them coming!

Weekend requests from Mike.

2005-07-01T11:43:00.000Z

1. A half-case of Saint-Veran. We can get it chilling ready for this evening.

2. A nice selection box from The Chocolate Society. Largest size possible, please.

3. A "specialist" magazine, dedicated to photographic studies of the male physique. (It's been awfully hot in here recently, and I don't do "conversion jobs".)

4. Some fresh cut flowers, to brighten the place up. No vulgar mixed bunches, please.

5. Some decent crockery would be nice.

Thank you Little Blogger!

As Requested

2005-07-01T08:53:00.000Z

NML dearest, will this little lot suffice?

LB xxx

I'm a Confused Mo Fo

2005-06-29T18:36:00.000Z

Hello Little Blogger

Call me a think mofo, but I am so confused! Who has been evicted and if people left of their own accord, why did they? I hope to f*ck I'm not being a thick bitch and that there is something confusing about this! Is Dr Rob still in the house? Is Dr Rob invincible? Jaysus that guy's more thick skinned than Michael Jackson after being accused of fiddling with kids...twice...in front of the whole world....

Anyway before I get accused of having a MJ fixation.......

Oh and any chance of some new thongs and some baby oil.......

JonnyB to the diary room (again)

2005-06-29T12:36:00.000Z

Hello Jonny.

Hullo Little Blogger.

It's good to see you here again. Is there anything else I can get you? Food, drink, or anything? The others need never know.

No thank you Little Blogger. I did tell my agent that I expected no special treatment.

OK Jonny. What can we do for you?

Well - oh, sorry, you can sit down now - I'm a little worried again.

What is it this time?

Well I've emailed Big Blogger twice now, mentioning I'll be on holiday next week. But he's disappeared. I don't know what to do. If I don't get the tasks and stuff soon I won't be able to do them in advance. Even really badly, like the first couple.

Ssshhhhh you're not meant to let people know about that doing it in advance thing.

Sorry. But... I'm a bit lost. What do I do?

Little Blogger will get back to you.

Fecking Pink Fecking Room feck off

2005-06-27T10:08:00.000Z

Bob Gandalf arrives in the Diary Room.....

Fecking Pink Fecking Room, How the feck doI get out of this fecking place its like the last fecking thing that Australian Micky Hutchnosense saw as he stuffed an orange in his fecking gob and drew that fecking plastic bag over his head, its totally fecked.

I was told to fecking report fecking here by some gobshite of a fecking Doc, he fecking thought the fecking rest would do me fecking good. I'm all fecking shagged out from saving fecking Africa and need a little fecking sojorn away from that idjit Bonio and his irritating mate the 'ledge'. The Scots twat Midget Cure is aw'a with the fecking fairies on pints of heavy.

So what the feck,I'm here, what the feck do you fecking want me to fecking do. I hope its nothing to fecking do with those fecking geezers I saw outside, fecking dopy lot, all naked and fecking up to their arses in fecking pink hued fecking mud. Fecking idjits the lot of em, in my fecking bleary eyes.

JonnyB to the Diary Room

2005-06-24T16:20:00.000Z

*enters Diary Room with sheepish expression*

Hello Jonny. You wanted to talk to me?

Hullo Little Blogger. Aw... no, not really.

I really think you want to talk. That’s what I’m here for. Let it out.

Oh. It’s just...

It’s just what, Jonny?

It’s just I’m a bit worried about how I’m coming across. I think the readers might think I’m a bit... standoffish.

Why do you think that, Jonny?

They’ve been whispering. And I know I haven’t had time to talk to them much. And I know I was one of the ones that said ‘less is more’. And I went for that in spectacular fashion.

I’m sure they understand, Jonny. You are a very busy and important man, I know.

Thank you, Little Blogger. Truth is, I’ve been struggling a bit and relying on everybody else to do more than the bare minimum. I feel a failure.

You’re not a failure, Jonny. In fact you’re one of the funniest and best writers around, and one of my personal favourites and in fact you would have won that Bloggie, but it was a fiasco that you didn’t, and that was all down to half the judges not even having time to read the blogs that were on the longlist, of which yours was the best by far.

Thank you, Little Blogger. I really appreciate that.

Was there anything else?

Well – I guess I think Mr Hair was hard done by, and I feel sorry for him because he’s quite a new Blogger and seems to be a nice chap. But I’ve got a theory about that, you know.

Really?

Yes, I’m suspecting Mike is bitterly fed up of being Mr Nice Guy Mike, and evicted Mr Hair because he thought it would help the show if he created a pantomime villain for us all to booooo. It came from his residual and gnawing guilt that he was himself immune from eviction and also has lots of readers who love him. But that’s probably a rubbish theory.

Have you discussed this with Mike?

No. It would be against the rules. That’s also why I didn’t email him betting him a fiver that Peter would walk before day five.

Are you back with us now then, Jonny?

I’m still quite busy. And I’m going on holiday in a couple of weeks. But I’ll try to write some quality, interesting things.

Promise?

Promise.

To Wibble or not to Wibble that is the question

2005-06-24T13:19:00.000Z

'Oh Dear! Oh Dear Oh Dear' Dr Rob Holds his head in his hands, 'up for eviction a second time'. What psychological torture this is Big Brother' Dr Rob is torn, should he wibble or should he keep his head below the parapet? 'Its a mind field out there' he mutters. 'Its about time you had some pet Psychologist in the room telling us the in's and outs of the twisted minds that haunt this show!' He says making himself comfortable on the strangly shaped seat.

Dr Rob is also dressed in a strange orange robe and is waving a bit of smoking stick around that makes quite a nausious smell.

'Big Blogger', he exclaims 'Under section 101 of the Human Rights act I demand a sacred space to be able to follow my true calling'

At that he prostrates himself before the all seeing eye and demands that Big Blogger clicks here

the questions...

2005-06-23T23:11:00.000Z

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?
It's good fun, but I could really do with a time machine to help me keep up to date with everything.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?
Ermm....I didn't really realise that the aim was to achieve something. How about something to do and have a bit of fun while doing?

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?
If I could change one thing, it would be to make me funnier. Because I'm sure I could be, with practice...

The ignominy

2005-06-23T10:30:00.000Z

I have been cast out. A pariah of the blogging world. Never again shall I know the cosy world that was bigblogger. Destined to wander alone among the cold bits and bytes of the internerd. *sniff* *sniff*

What can I say now? Unfortunately I don't have any dirt to dish. Truth be told I probably didn't devote enough of my attention to the whole affair although this is largely due to a rather serious IT problem at my work for the last couple of weeks that has kept me from spending (wasting) time during the day on bigblogger.

The tasks were fun, I was especially pleased with my dodo letter. Can't say I was too keen on the song lyrics as I have a general aversion to forced poetry writing and comedy songs (which are never funny), although I note nobody got the Ren & Stimpy reference in mine.

Anyway I hope everyone continues to have fun with this and it doesn't get too acrimonious.

Moan moan whinge whinge

2005-06-22T10:47:00.000Z

Hey there Big Blogger, how ya doing?

Look, I'm not one to moan (much) but I really have to object at the short timescale for the current task, I mean I'm a busy man you know, and I've got schedules to keep - If I'm not out of bed and ogling Girl by 10am then I'm just grumpy all day (although that Vit is quite foxy... but frankly I've seen enough of zoe's arse already...).

Anyway, a little consideration please, ohh and some Irn Bru, there's a good chap... er... chapess.. er... yeah that... thanks...

NML comes in late...

2005-06-21T20:32:00.000Z

I don't know where I was when these questions were asked but.....

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?
It's been OK although sometimes I feel a little out of things. I dip in and out and I miss a lot of the posts and banter.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?
I hope that all of the prancing about semi-naked will allow me to get my baps out for the tabloids. No, just joking, I'm a not that kind of girl! I hope to make a few friends from this interesting bunch of people and have a bit of a laugh.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?
Sorry to be boring, but I have to agree with limiting the number of posts. Normally I'm the first to point out something but fortunately this time there were a few housemates that pointed it out before me! I can't keep up with all the posts and it makes it really hard for someone who isn't a housemate, never mind a housemate that isn't in on the joke to keep up. Maybe people could do the extra posts in the Diary Room.....I do recognise that it's trial and error and of course, I am patient and will go with the flow, whatever you choose to do!

Och Aye the Noo Big Blogger!

2005-06-20T08:26:00.000Z

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

If I'm honest I'm kinda non-plussed but then I've not exactly thrown myself heading long into things, preferring to watch from a distance (those zoom lens are great, aren't they...). Some good stuff but all that's doing is giving me a complex and making posting a challenge, but then some can spout drivel 24/7, others prefer to keep their own counsel and aim for quality over quantity. Or maybe I'm just crap, not sure, what do you think Big Blogger?

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Fame of course. My aim this year is to win the "best kept secret" prize at next years Bloggies, so I had to raise my profile somehow or I'm just the "secret" blog that no-one knows about. Now that would be fine but I'm getting fedup of creating my own awards, and truth be told my audience of me is getting a little fickle..

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

Ohh let's go with the flow, and limit the posting. I'm far too busy ogling Girl and Miss Mish to keep it up... er.. keep up with everything as it is. In saying that I think that vit bird, the one wot does all the doodles, ohh she's great, should have her own website, don't ya think??

Get your arse in here now Girl

2005-06-19T17:32:00.000Z

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

Worrying. From what I’ve seen on telly there is always some sexual tension between participants that will end up being explored in a fumbled-teenage way. The way things are heating up in here right now is making me anxious that these activities may end up being repeated in the BB house. I will of course do my best to interfere with those involved and make sure they get a good seeing to by way of punishment for such despicable behaviour.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Fame and fortune, obviously. I’ll wait to get the £100k downpayment from a tabloid before getting my tits out. My arse however, will be proudly displayed alongside the other fine specimens in here.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

I’m with Zoe, Miss Mish and Jonny here: a max of two posts a week per blogmate. It’ll be easier for readers to get involved that way (actually, a few of the readers of my blog have emailed me to say they can’t keep up with what’s going on and have sadly stopped reading the BB site).

But saying that, I am quiet in the house for a reason: my stealth, smartness and slyness in limiting my posts, will give me the upper hand eventually: us quiet ones are usually the deadliest...

Hello Big Blogger

2005-06-17T23:54:00.000Z

Hello Alan

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

Personally, I'm enjoying it a lot. There are so many things to enjoy, the camaraderie, the fun, meeting new people, making new friends. But if I had to put my finger on one single thing that has made it all so worthwhile, I guess it would have to be the breasts. So many breasts, and all so different, a cornucopia of boobies, a mammarial variety pack. Girl's breasts, Vit's breasts, NML's breasts, Clair's breasts, Zoe's breasts, Gordon's breasts...... did I say that last one out loud?

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Well obviously fame, fortune and a six figure book deal.

Seriously though, I'm pretty much a new kid on the block as far as blogging is concerned and I'm still learning, so I guess getting involved in something like this with old hands like Mike, Zoe and Jonny, I'm just hoping something will rub off on me.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. I imagine what has appeared so far hasn't been exactly what people expected, but surely that's the beauty of a collaborative project, it was always going to take on a life of its own and reflect the disparate personalities of those taking part. And as people get voted out, the dynamic will change and the style will naturally change along with it, so that it will remain fresh and original.

Really, I've only got one complaint so far, and that's that I haven't managed to cop a glimpse of Miss Mish's breasts yet.

Dr Rob responds to the taskette

2005-06-17T18:55:00.000Z

Hello Dr. Rob

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

Personally I am really enjoying it, I think the quality of the blogging has been good and things have not got too out of hand. I think some bloggers have been really quiet and look forward to hearing from them a little more, I am sure that the next six weeks will see some excellent blogging. I really enjoy Vits pics and hope she continues and some of the stuff that’s gone on has really made me laugh, I just hope the lurkers and readers have laughed as much as I have. Lurkers you do need to comment a little more, give these guys some encouragement, not that they need it.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Obviously as ‘Stalin Incarnate’, world domination and the formation of a socially equal society based upon sound socialist principles. Clearly I haven’t exactly read that into any of my posts, but some of my closest supporters seem to have, so I am a little flattered that my writing, modest as it is, has reached the masses. Obviously I will accept their adoration and expect, eventually to be embalmed and bricked up in a wall somewhere – probably near a MacDonalds!

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?
I am a little at odds with the comments made earlier. As a concept I thought big blogger was about blogging and may the best blogger win! It’s about writing and playing the game. All I have attempted to do is play the game. I too am in work and do not spend every waking hour in front of my computer. OK, myself and others have posted a few more times than others, but hey that was the game – wasn’t it? I just picked up the baton and ran with it, given that there were no parameters laid out at the beginning re the frequency of posts, as did others. In the Big Brother house, they don’t tell them that they can only perform between 8 in the morning and 9 at night! So personally I wouldn’t change anything, let us win or lose by the blog, the blog rules, long live the blog!

Hasta La Vista dudes!

"JonnyB to the diary room"

2005-06-17T17:15:00.000Z

*sits on chair in cool and trendy fashion, slightly leaning forwards with a ‘love me’ look*

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

I am greatly enjoying being exposed to two things I hadn’t experienced before. Firstly, that Quickos rag puppet/muppet thing. Puts my sad Mr Mitt fixation to shame. Secondly, Vitty’s drawings. I will collar her at some point and ask her about them. They’re fantastic.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Ummm... er.... well I think ‘achieving things’ is vastly over-rated. I’ve gone through my entire life aiming to achieve nothing and I’ve done very well, thank you very much. People like Robert Killroy-Silk want to ‘achieve things’. It’s a dangerous habit and I will have none of it.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

What Zoe said!!! And Mish. Make every word count, my friends. Make every word count.

*Leans back in slightly smug fashion, knowing that we’re cutting to an ad break*

In which I reveal All.....

2005-06-17T13:23:00.000Z

Question One is: How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

Er... a little bit odd. I can't seem to get a word in edgeways. And as anyone who's been out with me of an eveing will testify, that's very odd behaviour. I'm definitely feeling my age too. I don't understand half of what people are going on about and it's not quite what I expected.

Question Two is: What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?
Better honed writing skills to deadlines. I'm terrible at them - ask my boss. To quote the late, great, Douglas Adams: " I love deadlines. I love the swooshing noise they make as they go by..."

And Question Three is: If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

I am going to have a moan here. Only two posts a day, besides the Task. I'm at work, I can't just log on and surf all day. And in the evening, I'm not a sad person hunched over the pc until all hours. I've got comitments, dinner to cook, things to do etc. And I feel it does give an unfair advantage to those people who are being 'witty' all day by posting vacuous comments - their name is always up, while others are buried at the bottom.

Ullobigbloggaah!

2005-06-17T11:27:00.000Z

*smile*

*pause*

*blink*

*smile a bit more*

*blink a bit more*

Hello Mike. How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

I'm settling in nicely, thank you. OK, so there was that little rooftop protest earlier in the week, but that's behind us now. In fact, I'm really feeling quite docile and obdedient these days. It's so relaxing: lying around in the sunshine all day, drinking and dancing all night, and meekly accepting orders from a couple of disembodied voices. I'd recommend it to anyone.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Well, the Sunday tabloids will of course be first priority: you know, strike while the iron is hot, maximise the earning potential, and all that. And I won't object to doing a few "glamour" shots, so long as they're tastefully done. Then there's Heat magazine (obviously), Richard and Judy (hopefully), and the whole premiere/awards show circuit. I shan't be doing nightclub PA's, though. My agent says they cheapen the brand.

Then, when the initial fuss dies down a little, I'm thinking of a high profile romance, just to keep me in the public eye. (Who do we think? Is Brian Dowling a little over now? I might aim for Will Young, but if I have to settle for Stephen Gateley, then so be it.) Then I expect I'll just move into presenting. Or if not, then there's always panto.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

Fewer people! I can't remember everybody's names, or else I get them mixed up. It doesn't help that Alan and Dr. Rob look like identical twins, either.

And as for the queues for the bathroom! Mornings are simply mayhem! I need thirty minutes in there as an absolute minimum, and it's been not going down terribly well.

Other than that: the crockery is ghastly. Where did you pick it up from, British Home Stores? If I'd known, I'd have brought in my own. But never mind. "Roughing it" is all part of the experience, after all.

Thank you, Mike. You may now leave the Diary Room.

Fankyoubigbloggah!

Pretentious? Moi?

2005-06-16T22:38:00.000Z

What's that, darling, "done myself up"?... no darling, this is my au naturel look... now what about these silly little questions of yours... hmmm?

"Question One is: How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?"
Oh, I'm having a whale/wail/wale of a time, an absolute riot. Constant attention, lots of booze... darling, this martini is super dry, thank you... and as I love to draw bottoms I'm in luck.. there are a lot, and they're big.

"Question Two is: What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?"
Well,darling, the obvious answer would be "lots of paintings of bottoms"... you never know, I may get into the Turner Prize yet... but I'm hoping to acheive maybe a little more understanding of myself, because as you know, I am not at all self absorbed, so maybe it will give me time for a little further introspection. Maybe.

"And Question Three is: If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?"
Oh darling, nothing, it's simply lovely.... just get rid of a few of them. They are a bit hairy. And I do think a THIRD erm... what do you call them? blog is it? to act as Davina's blog... summing up the day's goings on... for I fear you won't be able to keep some of us down to only speaking twice in a week, darling, simply not on with this diet of cillit bang daiquiris and choccy biccies, darling. Sugar rush.

And so, Little Brother.

2005-06-16T17:27:00.000Z

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

Fun, great fun. [refill, please.]

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

More wine. [another refill, please.]

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

A MAXIMUM of two posts per poster per week as it's mad and hard to follow, particularly for those not taking part in the game. Other posts should take place in the diary room - which I suspect was the intention in the first place. [another refill, please.]

And those were the comments of the Belgian Jury.

Leave me alone

2005-06-16T15:08:00.000Z

How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?
I navigate to the appropriate bookmark in my browser, and click my mouse.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?
World Peace.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

I thought this was Big Blogger, not some crap makeover programme. If I wake up in the morning and find that I am sharing a bed with Alan Titchmarsh (he’s the only one whose name I know) or anyone else from channel ohfuckoff, then never mind your consequences if I don’t answer these questions, there will be serious consequences for you. Mark my words.

don't tell me that you never thought of it ...

2005-06-14T17:27:00.000Z

I think that a daiquiri (if that's the way you spell it) should be the drink of this room. It would even suit the furniture.

Now I am a little bit thirsty so you'd better be shakin' 'em up, boys ....

so?

2005-06-14T07:35:00.000Z

where's my martini? I've been waiting..... ALL night.

Biscuits and Booze

2005-06-13T20:45:00.000Z

Little Blogger would like to offer an olive branch (for all the ladies, and any men dressed as ladies) of gin and bourbon biscuits and shortcake.

Plus you get to gaze on me for a few minutes.

What could be better??

In Which we go on Strike!

2005-06-13T19:26:00.000Z

Dear Big Blogger
Until the bathroom thing is resolved, us ladies (and I use the word loosely in some cases. Very loosely) are withdrawing our services.
There will be no more comparing of lingerie, no more flashing of illuminated parts of the body and I'll stop making calming pots of Earl Grey.
You can't treat us like this!
Mish

why o why o why

2005-06-13T19:00:00.000Z

Hello Little Blogger

Why O why O why O Why can't the women put the toilets seats UP once they have finished what they do, it is just so inconvient for us men, not to say un hygeneic for us to keep having to lift the lids, I mean the women don't mind as they are always washing their hands or some part of their body.

Lets get them to do it now before their monthy periods syncronise, then God knows what will happen!

A Warning.......

2005-06-13T17:57:00.000Z

Hello Big Blogger
As an HSE press officer I'd like to point out that Mike is still up on the roof and is therefore in contradiction of Directive no. 435/hg/739 subsection 4 Clause 2.
If he's going to stay up there you MUST provide him with a climbing harness, hard hat, safety goggles, work boots and a dayglo work vest.
Not only will you then NOT be liable if anything happens to him but it'll ruin his fashion persona and street cred.....

it's not much to ask .....

2005-06-13T16:22:00.000Z

but will the menfolk PLEASE put down the toilet seat, will vit PLEASE give me back my tiara, will mike PLEASE get off the roof and continue teaching me about excel, will BB PLEASE give me some rubber gloves - the dishwasher is broken. mr hair and NML were dancing on it last night and then pete decided to have a go, waltzed away with miss mish who is the classiest dancer here and ... something went BOOM.

PLEASE ?

for god´s sake, don't tell zoe

2005-06-13T16:13:00.000Z

but I'm glad that quickos thing has gone... stealing my bloody limelight!

I hate them all!

2005-06-12T21:46:00.000Z

I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them!

Ok, miss mish won't give me a look at her "precious newspaper"... something to do with sitting on one of her hats.. and that was after I promised not to grass on her for nipping over the wall!!

I can't sleep because of ALL THE SNORING!!! And if that mike bloke comes over to me and starts waffling on about Excel bloody spreadsheets I'm gonna throttle him!!

Ohh and what's with that Vit bird and her drawings, you never said we could bring in paper! I hope she isn't cheating... I wonder if she nicked my hidden stash of booze?? Ohh that nml (what kind of name is that?!) keeps moaning about people farting - she can talk!!!

That bloody puppet keeps nicking my Irn Bru! So I nicked his cheese.. heh hehe.. and don't even get me started on that flippin' sock - I know he thinks that no-one has seen it but I have, weirdo.

Anyway, I'd better get back - any chance of some more Irn Bru please - and can we have a ban on hats, or should I just sit on them all!! HAHAHAA.. hmmm, maybe I will...

Please Sir, Can I have some more...

2005-06-12T18:24:00.000Z

Are you there God? It's me. NML. Whoops! Sorry about that! I thought I was in a Judy Blume book for one moment......

Can we have some alcohol please? And if you're feeling generous, I'd also like:

Giant Marks and Spencer chocolate chip cookies
A half chicken medium spiced, well done with fries and coleslaw from Nando's
The Sunday Times

I had some trouble with Haloscan not letting me comment over the weekend but I managed to fix it this morning. I have been doing a lot of prancing around in my underwear {adjusts cleavage so that everyone can get a good eyeful} and I have introduced myself to most of the housemates. I haven't had cause to use my rabbit vibrator yet (no change there then!) and I've lazed around a lot and listened to those boys farting. God help me if I don't end up passing out from the stench.

That's all for now. Just felt like having a ramble.........

Grumble Grumble Gripe Groan Grumble

2005-06-12T15:53:00.000Z

Hello Big Blogger

Somebody stole my cheese. Lovely big bit of mature cheddar it was. Clearly marked. Can't put anything down in this house without somebody knicking it. Bet it was that Quickos character. Shifty looking fella. And that Jonny fella talks in his sleep. Something about moles. Driving me mad it is.

Anyway, can we have some more Cillet Bang please. I seem to have drunk the last bottle.

Cheers.

Should have brought my sunglasses

2005-06-12T10:43:00.000Z

Well...I was going to have a strong and powerful vent in the privacy of the diary room, but all thoughts vanished from my mind when confronted by the pinkness.

I think I need to have a quick lie down now.

Hello Big Blogger

2005-06-12T10:36:00.000Z

Hello Big Blogger what a nice room!

Me? I'm fine.....sniffle, cough, sob sob sob

WHA WHA WHA

I,I,I,I,.......I, SNIFFLE, ......sob, 'muffled mummy!', sniffle, I,I,I,I,I

Snort, HOOOTS into handkerchief,

No its Ok....I'm ok,

yes thank, pulls himself together, HMM

Of course Im fine, only another 6, SIX, Six, weeks to go.....sigh

ooh, isn't it pink?

2005-06-12T10:02:00.000Z

I have one thing to say.

I miss my TEDDY BEAR!

thank you.

I feel better now.

Welcome To My Flaming Pink Padded Boudoir

2005-06-12T08:53:00.000Z

Well hello duckies! Little Blogger here.

This, if you haven't already noticed, is The Diary Room. I don't know why it's called The Diary Room, because realistically I don't expect any of you to actually keep a diary going in here. Plus, some of you seem to be doing a similiar kind of blow-by-blow thing on the main page already, so there wouldn't exactly be a great deal of worth achieved by doing the same in here now would there?

So what is this place for, I hear you ask.

Good question.

Hmm.

Well apart from looking fabulous, and being the interweb projection of my personality for everybody to swim about in (backstroke...yes please!), I would ask every last one of you to feel completely free to use this petite pink vessel as a haven of sorts from the house, and as somewhere for you to be able to let rip, vent spleen, spew forth bile (yes Peter, that means you), or smite your vengeance upon your newly acquired nemeses.

Go on, you know you want to. It'll feel so much better if you just let it all out.

But don't go too overboard please, there are children watching. And old ladies (yes Peter, that means you).

And remember, Little Blogger is here for you at all times, day or night, come sleet or snow, in good times and bad times, for richer and for poorer, til death us do part, blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...