Friday, June 17





*smile a bit more*

*blink a bit more*

Hello Mike. How are you finding the Big Blogger experience?

I'm settling in nicely, thank you. OK, so there was that little rooftop protest earlier in the week, but that's behind us now. In fact, I'm really feeling quite docile and obdedient these days. It's so relaxing: lying around in the sunshine all day, drinking and dancing all night, and meekly accepting orders from a couple of disembodied voices. I'd recommend it to anyone.

What do you hope to achieve from your time in the house?

Well, the Sunday tabloids will of course be first priority: you know, strike while the iron is hot, maximise the earning potential, and all that. And I won't object to doing a few "glamour" shots, so long as they're tastefully done. Then there's Heat magazine (obviously), Richard and Judy (hopefully), and the whole premiere/awards show circuit. I shan't be doing nightclub PA's, though. My agent says they cheapen the brand.

Then, when the initial fuss dies down a little, I'm thinking of a high profile romance, just to keep me in the public eye. (Who do we think? Is Brian Dowling a little over now? I might aim for Will Young, but if I have to settle for Stephen Gateley, then so be it.) Then I expect I'll just move into presenting. Or if not, then there's always panto.

If you could change one thing about the house, what would it be?

Fewer people! I can't remember everybody's names, or else I get them mixed up. It doesn't help that Alan and Dr. Rob look like identical twins, either.

And as for the queues for the bathroom! Mornings are simply mayhem! I need thirty minutes in there as an absolute minimum, and it's been not going down terribly well.

Other than that: the crockery is ghastly. Where did you pick it up from, British Home Stores? If I'd known, I'd have brought in my own. But never mind. "Roughing it" is all part of the experience, after all.

Thank you, Mike. You may now leave the Diary Room.



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