Friday, July 29

While I remember....

Look darlings, I have gone, honestly! I've only just nipped back in through the blog-flap to
oversee the lugage removal and make sure they are packing everything in tissue paper.
But there's just a few things of which I need to remind you.
  1. Don't forget to feed the dodo. She does get a little fractious if she's on short rations and starts to eat the herb garden which diagrees with her delicate constition. And frankly, a dodo with bad wind smelling of basil and rosemary is not nice.
  2. Please make sure Alan combs his beard after meals. He'll look terrible on the photographs otherwise.
  3. Make sure the pool is kept cucumber-free when they fill it up with fresh pimms. It clogs up the filters and it sounds like the Dodo with bad wind...
  4. I made a whole load of chicken soup before I left. It's in the fridge but won't last long so have it for dinner tonight.
  5. BEHAVE! (you know what I mean...)

Wednesday, July 27


Again it's all coming a little thick and fast isn't it?

On an introspective note I think I posted some fine material, but I'm not entirely sure that's what the audience want - I seemed to be posting as if this was an extension of MY blog - posting as me - instead of attempting a different persona in here. Oh it's all confusing isn't it?
Eviction does feel a little personal too, you flog your guts out being entertaining and witty and amusing, giving the audience credit for being clever and getting sub text and the like when all of a sudden you're kicked out because they want to see your tits or something.

But, hey, that's the rock n roll life style...

Anyway, come visit me soon - don't be a stranger.

Bye, then.

I've stripped my bed, packed my bag, found Quickos and am heading to the bottom of the garden.

I don't have much to say, really, except good luck to the rest and will the winner please send me his/her address. Have fun - I know I did.

Friday, July 22

Goodbye all

(Better late than never...)

It was fun, if a little challenging to participate in the Big Blogger experience.

Not knowing many of the other blogmates, I posted on this blog with some trepidation: what would they think of me, the sole sex-blogger taking part?

Most likely I imagine others assumed that I would - as I do on my own blog - talk about sex, and to some extent I did in BB. But I hope that the people reading my posts here were able to see another side to me too, and perhaps be able to read my writing in a different (and less ghettoised context).

So I didn't get my tits out (sorry folks), but instead attempted some humour in an effort to not talk about my like of rampant shagging (damn, done it again).

Others did it better of course - and I wish all remaining participants the best of luck - but I enjoyed taking part; it's not the winning that counts after all.

Even if I cleared space on my mantlepiece for a BB trophy.

Thursday, July 21

A little request....

Hello darling BB & LB,
I'm a bit fagged and drained after baring my soul over there and wondered if I may have a large Sacher Torte? I promise to share it with everyone. And we're running out of bubbly too just in case you want to send the odd crate our way.
And is there any chance of some more nail polish? Either Vit's been borrowing it again to paint with or Jonny has taken it back to Norfolk with him. (Chanel no 43 for preference please.)
Now, I simply must go and have a lie down.....

Wednesday, July 20

Signing off now...

I have been evicted!!!

I kiss everybody, some for longer than others, and give a quick reassuring word to Zoe. I could not have expected her to choose somebody else and save me as that would have been unfair, and it will not be the case that in 35 years time when she says ‘look I asked you to pick up some milk on the way home’ I will say ‘yes, but don’t forget you singlehandedly caused me to be evicted from the Big Blogger house’.

Proudly I walk from the door of the house past the gathered throng. Tony Hadley and Phil Tufnell are there at the back, looking relieved that their stories will not now be told. There is some jocular booing from the hundreds of fans there but it is just jocular, oh yes.

The people have spoken and I cannot argue. Although I should point out that this country’s Obsolete and Unfair first-past-the-post voting system has meant that I have been evicted even though the vast majority of people in total voted for me to stay. Somebody else should have gone. It is results like this that lead to apathy amongst young people.

So, Davina, who do I think should win?

It’s very fair that I’ve gone. I was a bit worried at the start that I wouldn’t have time to do it justice, but fortunately there were enough people around that I could lurk in the background. Then, every time I was able to get the bit between my teeth, something seemed to happen to thwart me. But I’m glad I saw it out.

Personally I thought the best thing was how it threw together the established very highly read and the newer not very highly read. It was always important, if it was to work, that this wasn’t just ‘the usual suspects’. So I wanted someone different to win.

So, of the remainder, that disqualifies Mike and Zoe, who don’t need any bigging up from me, although Zoe introduced that muppet thing and Mike’s summaries for the readers were an excellent contribution as it sort of told me what had been going on as well. I love Miss Mish’s style, which is all hers and hers alone. And NML is, well (adopts Leslie Phillips voice) “just bang on”, although it was annoying when she blocked up the holes that I had drilled in the shower, which were there only for ventilation, oh yes.

Vitriolica was my favourite from the start, as of everybody she did the most to stamp her individuality on the house, and her drawings became its ‘brand’ if you will. And finally Alan, whose dignified response followed by comment-fest was a stroke of brilliance.


I think Vit has had a lot of support elsewhere, so I’m going to say to my legions of fans:

I’m backing the man. With a beard.

Tuesday, July 19

Thank You Alan!

I've just sang your praises on my own blog, and in the comments on the posts relating the immunity, but wanted to give it it's own post. Alan, it was an incredibly kind gesture and I really appreciate it. We have indeed been blog pals for over 6 months and I was really touched by your post.
I do want to say that I'm gutted by The Girl and Jonny B leaving as they are darlings the pair of them. The Girl is the only woman I've ever flirted with and I'm fascinated by Jonny B who makes me laugh a lot. On top of that he talks about poo and underpants which appeals to my inner child! Massive hugs to you both and we must keep in touch on the blogs.

Little Blogger, calling me 'delicious' earns you some serious brownie points with me!


Granting Immunity

Hello Little Blogger

Ooh, this is tough. Who to decide to give immunity to. I'm quite torn between two people and the big problem here is that, having seen the voting totals shortly before you took them down, I know that whichever one I choose, the other one will probably be evicted, and that's a power I don't really want to have.

You see, I think that Vit and Zoe, both of whom definitely deserve to stay because they have entertained me the most, are going to be fine anyway and don't need immunity. Better to give it to someone who, like myself, might be in trouble next week. So I'm torn between Girl and NML.

But a decision must be made, and I'm sorry but I'm just going to have to play favourites. Because I've known her (in a interwebnet way) longest of anyone in the game, and mainly because nearly six months ago she was the first person ever ever ever to put up a link to my blog, I am going to grant immunity to....


Monday, July 18

Commenting on Comments

Hello Big Blogger

I don't want to be a whinger, but I too want to complain about this comment-whoring task that has been set for several reasons, not least of which is that I have been away for the weekend, rushed into an internet cafe on Saturday morning to write up my fancy dress task before you had set this new task, and have not looked at a computer since, and so was in total ignorance that this was going on until about ten minutes ago.

Furthermore, like many bloggers I do not make my blog known among my friends so that I do not have to censor myself. If they find it for themselves, fine, but I don't publicise it, and much as I have enjoyed this competition and finding original ways to answer the tasks, that is a freedom I am not prepared to give up.

Therefore my only course is to ask people on my own blog to leave these comments, which again is unsatisfactory because I do not get as large a readership as most of the others remaining in the competition, even if they didn't have a two day head start on me. Therefore, I may as well just say goodbye now.

If those are the rules, fine, but I still want to register my objection to this very poorly thought out task which was always going to weed out a competitor with a less well read blog and has no bearing on actual performance within this competition. Unless you would like me to nip over, invent about 500 names and leave comments under them saying what a great guy I am. Kind of defeats the object though, doesn't it?